Ep112 – We Can’t Nurture Success with Negativity

How do we expect positive outcomes in recovery when all of the language we use has a negative orientation? Stop drinking. Fix your spiritual deficiency. Don’t be codependent. Focusing on positive outcomes is more than fluffy self-help jargon. On this episode, Sheri and Matt talk about the kinds of fundamental changes required for the recovery community to earn improved success rates. Matt quotes Dr. Abby Medcalf (Untoxicated Ep90) and Dr. Robert Weiss (Author of Prodependence and future Untoxicated guest) about the importance of positivity in the work they do with people in recovery. After the recording stops, Sheri makes fun of Matt’s man crush on Dr. Weiss for about a day and a half (sorry you can’t hear that).

If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program.

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Ep111 – Haunting Memories of Alcoholic Halloweens

Halloween specifically, and autumn in general, is a season with high rates of relapse and drunken trauma. We are intentionally releasing this episode about haunting memories of Halloweens in early November because we know so many of our listeners have just suffered traumatic alcoholic experiences, and we want to empathetically and supportively share our painful recollections. You are not alone! This episode starts with Sheri and Matt recalling Matt’s love/hate relationship with Halloween starting from childhood. Just as alcoholism is a progressive disease, the terrorizing events of October 31st progress through this episode until Sheri gives an angry and emotional description of Matt’s rock bottom Halloween moment from half a decade ago.

If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program.

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Ep110 – The Stigma of Codependency with Dawn

There is no doubt that the loved ones of alcoholics are victims, and that they require healing from the disease as the second-hand drinkers. But the label, “codependent,” is often misused to make the loved ones feel blamed and shamed for loving a person who suffers from addiction. Dawn experienced the pain of that blame, and on this episode, she tells Sheri and Matt all about it. Dawn has done the work of discovery, and she shares her struggles with forgiveness and reconnecting. But she trusts boundaries that have made her strong and independent, and regardless of the outcome of her marriage, she is a true recovery success story.

If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program.

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Ep109 – Joyless Recovery and Underlying Issues

The first year of his permanent sobriety, Matt felt like shit. It wasn’t for lack of recovery effort. His pleasure neurotransmitters that had been hijacked by alcohol just took a year or so to adjust to his sobriety. Even after that year, Matt dealt with secondary addictions as he worked to understand the underlying causes of his alcoholism. A lot of people complain of a joyless recovery and transference of addiction. It is both common and baffling. In this episode, Sheri and Matt address it all.

If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program.

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Ep108 – Sex with Sheri and Matt

When Sheri and Matt were seeking expert advise on restoring intimacy and growing closer together in their post-alcoholic marriage, they turned to the Emily’s: Dr. Emily Morse of the Sex with Emily podcast, and Dr. Emily Nagoski, author of the best selling book, Come as You Are. On this episode, Sheri and Matt share the core messages from both the Emily’s, and relate what they have learned to their relationship recovery work.

As promised in the episode, here is a link to Dr. Emily Nagoski’s website where you, our listener, can invite her to join Sheri and Matt on the Untoxicated Podcast.

If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program.

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Ep107 – The Weight of Unnecessary Decisions

Have you, or has someone you love, ever been absolutely determined to be done with alcohol in the morning, only to be drinking that very same evening? One of the major contributing factors to that alcohol-related whiplash is decision fatigue. On this episode, Sheri and Matt talk about the reasons drinking alcohol adds volume and complexity to our decision making leaving us incapable of making good decisions. Alcohol is its own self-fulfilling prophecy.

If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program.

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Ep106 – Confronting and Traversing the Storms with Liz

The popular misperception of an alcoholic marriage is that it always comes down to a frustrated wife trying to decide if she will divorce her alcoholic husband. As is the case with most things related to the disease of addiction, an alcoholic marriage is quite often a great deal more complicated than that. In this episode, Matt reads excerpts from an essay Liz wrote about the stormy year of alcohol, death, job loss, a car accident, depression, health issues, and emotional instability she and her husband are traversing – both independently and together. Liz adds color and details to the essay in a way only this thoughtful, insightful and brilliant woman can. She is making it out, and her story is an inspiration.

If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program.

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Ep105 – Disconnected: The Needs of a Couple in Recovery

When Matt thought he most needed Sheri’s support and sympathy while he was in early sobriety, Sheri was detached and focused on her own healing and independence. It turns out, Sheri’s detachment might have saved the marriage. What the alcoholic needs, and what the loved one needs from the recovery process, are counterintuitive and seemingly at odds. That’s one of the reasons we describe alcoholism as a diabolical disease. But there is a way to navigate sobriety as individuals, and make the relationship thrive in the end.

If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program.

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Ep104 – Compassionate Relationship Recovery with Karen

Success stories are too rare when it comes to recovering a marriage from the ravages of alcoholism and the challenges of recovery. We are so pleased to have Karen on the podcast to share her discovery path to healing her alcoholic marriage, now three years into sobriety. Karen uses compassion and lived experience to tell her story and inspire others. One of her greatest strengths is finding resources that help in her process, and she talks with Sheri and Matt about one of her favorite books, Prodependence. This episode is full of hope and honesty.

If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program.

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Ep103 – Impact of Gaslighting

The loved ones of alcoholics almost always experience gaslighting – the manipulative conversations alcoholics use to normalize excessive drinking. On this episode, Sheri talks about the impact of Matt’s gaslighting on her, and Matt provides an explanation for why gaslighting comes so naturally and is such a universal aspect of alcoholic relationships. They talk about the long-lasting effects of this manipulation – intentional or not. And the couple discusses the road back to healing and trust.

If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program.

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