Ep132 – What are YOUR Needs?

If you are the loved one of an alcoholic, it may be hard to be truthful and authentic with your partner who is dealing with or recovering from addiction. You’re vulnerability has probably been used against you in the past, you might think your spouse has too much on his plate to be burdened by your problems, and he might have the habit of offering quick fixes to brush you aside. On this episode, Sheri and Matt discuss how important it is for the loved ones to stop picking up the alcoholic pieces, and concentrate on their own needs. And to express those needs, knowing that authenticity might not be well received.

If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program.

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Ep131 – The Differences between Boundaries and Ultimatums

“You do what I tell you or else,” statements rarely work, and they create additional friction while weakening our relative positions in relationships. In this episode, Sheri and Matt share their personal experiences with ultimatums and boundaries, and they discuss best practices for couples still in the heat of battle with addiction.

If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program.

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Ep130 – Disastrous Communication in the Aftermath of Addiction

More than anything else, recovering a relationship from alcoholism is a huge communication problem. And it isn’t just a problem with the words we choose, it is the modes of communication that keep us stuck as well. If you are texting your spouse about anything deeper than who is supposed to pick up milk on the way home, that is a huge red flag for Sheri and Matt who bring all the technological advancement of their flip phone and sliding keyboard to this discussion. Marriage communication is hard enough without sabotaging our own relationships. Sheri and Matt have some “dos” and “don’ts” tucking inside some tears and some laughter.

If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program.

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Ep129 – Regret is where the Shame Lives

For alcoholics, there is a direct relationship between the shame from past behaviors, and a tangible liquid called alcohol. For the loved ones of alcoholics, spouses in particular, the source of shame is far less direct and recognizable. The shame for the loved ones grows diabolically out of regret. It is a complex web that keeps people stuck, and Sheri and Matt talk all about regret and how to break free. What would you say if we told you regret was actually a good thing?

If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program.

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Ep128 – Love Hurts: Pain Inflicted Between Generations

Do you remember a correction, disciplinary action or criticism from years or decades ago that still hurts? We bet the person who delivered those words doesn’t remember. Have you ever delivered a message that someone will never forget? Pain inflicted between people who love each other, often between parents and their kids of any age, is common. Just because we reach the age of independence doesn’t mean we don’t care what our parents think. And just because our kids don’t need us anymore doesn’t mean they don’t yearn for connection. On this episode, Sheri and Matt discuss the impact of painful words between parents and kids, as well as between spouses, and the impact those words have on addiction and recovery.

If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program.

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Ep127 – The Power of Speaking Your Truth

There is an enormous relief that comes with shining a light into the dark corners and letting the truth be heard. And it is more than emotional and mental relief – it is vitally important to our physical health to find an outlet for the truth. It is not as easy as it sounds – especially in an alcoholic relationship where the stories are woven together. But like Ellen says, the truth always wins.

If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program.

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Ep126 – Surviving the Silence with Kate

Active alcohol addiction is not always loud and chaotic. Sometimes, the silence of the person suffering the pain of addiction causes a different kind of trauma. On this episode, Sheri and Matt welcome Kate to the podcast. She shares her experiences with insecurity, strategizing her communication, and a willingness to do whatever it took to end the silence. At the end of the episode, Kate explains why having these conversations out loud is so important to her healing process.

If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program.

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Ep125 – How did Addiction and Sobriety Feel for Sheri?

Experiencing the addiction and early sobriety of a loved one can feel painful, lonely, chaotic, traumatic, isolating and terrorizing for the spouses of alcoholics. On this episode, Matt asks Sheri to recall the emotions she experienced in different stages of the process. The first step to recovery is to realize you are not alone. If you are married to an alcoholic, and you are stuck in painful confusion, this episode might start to unlock a path forward.

If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program.

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Ep124 – Conquering the Two Pitfalls of Early Sobriety

The healing that comes for some in the recovery from alcoholism is the result of hard work. We have to want sobriety for ourselves, and not to appease someone else. We also have to want sobriety because of the immense benefits, not because we are running away from something we can no longer have. In this episode, Sheri and Matt explain that there is nothing subtle about the differences in approaches taken by those who find success in recovery, versus those who get stuck, unable to make it over the hump.

If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program.

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Ep123 – The “Hot Mess” of Intimacy in an Alcoholic Relationship

Trust and alcoholism can’t coexist. Intimacy is impossible without trust and vulnerability. So, alcoholism and intimacy are mutually exclusive. If you are in an alcoholic relationship, something important is missing (but you already know that). On this episode, Sheri and Matt talk about the two paths sexual contact can take in an alcoholic marriage. They explain the childbirth fork in the road, and challenge their own assumptions about maturity. The couple discusses why it is so hard to communicate about satisfaction, and pin the blame for a lot of the dysfunction on a sex education curriculum that is designed to prevent STDs and unwanted pregnancy, and never explains female pleasure. At the risk of oversimplification, Sheri and Matt summarize why intimacy during or after alcoholism is so elusive, and how it can be restored.

If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program.

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