Ep54 – Jane’s Pain and Anger from Being In It

September 21, 2020

If you’ve listened to the Untoxicated Podcast before, you know Sheri’s and Matt’s story is not unique, because you are probably in the middle of a similar trauma. Still, experiencing alcoholism, as the drinker or as the loved one, is a tremendously isolating and lonely place to be. To help you feel less alone, Sheri and Matt invited Jane to share her pain and anger on this episode. Jane talks about how frustrating it is to be in the middle of it and find resources that resonate. There is clinical advice from people who learned about surviving addiction from books and studies. There are people that look back and tell their stories from the past years after they have processed and moved on. But no one is talking about it while they are in it. Until now. Jane is talking, and her story is as real and raw as it is heartfelt and timely.

If you are the loved one of an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program.

Echoes of Recovery

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12 comments on “Ep54 – Jane’s Pain and Anger from Being In It

  1. THIS IS A GROUNDBREAKING EPISODE!!!! More of these stories need to be put out into the sunlight!!! Your story and your guest are SPOT ON!!!
    I have applauded your podcast before but THIS WAS TREMENDOUS!!!
    Even though my/our own therapy, we are still in the same boat of your guest!!!!

  2. Susan Sep 21, 2020

    One thing I found interesting about this conversation is how this isn’t just about alcoholism in a relationship. It’s a lot about relationships in general, how to learn to communicate your needs, how to work together, how to share the responsibilities that come with marriage and family. My ex husband didn’t drink, but he certainly ignored my needs as an overwhelmed new mother. He would go to work all day, then come home and do nothing but sit and relax in front of the TV, or later his computer. I remember once he said to me “I bring home a paycheck; what do you do for me?”!! When the grass needed mowing, he said “I don’t care if it grows over the roof.” I did basically everything that needed to be done around the home, and child care, because it had to be done. To me, that is a very basic problem with way too many marriages. Another thing I found interesting is the fact that I was pregnant three times, and never drank during those pregnancies. And I didn’t drink due to breast feeding. How is it that, at that time, I could give up drinking for the sake of my children? And why has it been so hard to give up drinking for ME?

    • As a father, I firmly believe there is a mothering instinct that I couldn’t possibly understand. If men gave birth, I can’t even imagine the fetal alcohol syndrome statistics.
      You are right. This is broader than a conversation about alcoholism. It is about communication, and trusting instincts. Thank you so much for listening and sharing your story!

  3. Barrie Sep 28, 2020

    Thank Jane for being brave enough to share her story. It made me think of what my wife has had to go through over the years. I wish her well.

  4. Mandy Sep 30, 2020

    Thank you Jane. Thank you for speaking out. It was like I was listening to my inner being. You articulated and expressed many many of the emotions, trials, thoughts and feelings of my own similar journey with my husband and young family.
    I understood everything you were saying and it was very brave of you to share. Thank you. You are helping others and hopefully this will help you as well. Would love to hear from you again or talk to you. It’s so very comforting to talk to those who truly understand our circumstance. Good luck with the healing and yes it’s totally alright to be angry. I was shaking my head to so much and especially the part where the energy of dealing with the alcoholism was retracting from me being the beat mom I could be. YES!!!!!! So true. Really honest and your insights and descriptions were so relatable. Thank you truly for sharing. Sending healing vibes to you and your family. ?

  5. Thanks again Matt and Sheri for bringing Jane on.
    She was terrific and echoes what a lot of us feel. You are one of the few podcasts that truly honors the difficulties of recovery for the person who has/had to deal with an alcoholic spouse .
    I am in the exact same boat as Jane. Over 30 years of marriage to an alcoholic that progressively got worse, to only get sober after I threatened divorce. He has been working on sobriety since June. SAME ISSUES!!! He is impatient and just doesn’t understand my heartbreak and absolute pain.
    Sheri, and your recent guests do perfectly outline OUR SILENT FURY AND TRAUMA!!!
    The absolute frustration of Al Anon is finally revealed. I personally resonated with everything Jane said, especially at the end. My husband and I have a great therapist but I am still stuck with my walls, sadness, resentment, etc. Thank God the daily drama is gone, but what still remains under the surface is monumental.
    Thanks again

    • Thank you for sharing your story, Lisa. We really appreciate you listening and commenting, and we hope for you the healing you deserve!

  6. Nancy Jan 25, 2021

    Thank you, Jane, for sharing. So many parts of your story resonated with me.

    Thank you Sheri and Matt for inviting Jane on your podcast. I want to request that my in-laws, my young adult kids, and even my husband (who is still actively drinking, still in denial and still blaming others) listen to this episode. (Unfortunately, it would be a waste to give it to my husband right now – he is not at all receptive to alcohol being the problem) Jane’s story is so close to mine – I want my family to understand what it HAS BEEN and STILL IS like for me. I am angry, hurt and sad, and I agree all the “stories” are from the perspective of having gotten “through it”. I can talk about my feelings in therapy or share in Al Anon, but if I tell my side of things, I’ll come across as someone who is a b***ch and not compassionate toward the alcoholic, the one who has an illness. So instead, I stay quiet and wait. I need to find my power, be more like Jane, and seek out others who are “in it” not yet “through it”!

    Sending good thoughts to all three of you–