Ep122 – The Pain of “Helpful Advice” that Hurts with Dawn

Our family and our friends mean well when they give us advice about our alcoholic marriages. The problem with well-meaning advice from people who have never walked in our shoes is that it often misses the mark. In fact, it often ads significantly to the pain we are already enduring. No one explains it better than our guest on this episode. Dawn shares her writing on this topic, and discusses the pain of “helpful advice” with Sheri and Matt. The three of them brainstorm alternative ways to support without adding to the stress and hurt.

If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program.

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Ep121 – The Blame Game Keeps Us Stuck

As an active alcoholic, Matt put a lot of the blame for their dysfunctional marriage on Sheri. In early sobriety, he blamed himself for the overwhelming shame he felt. The whole time, Sheri was convinced Matt and his drinking were to blame. Once the couple learned to blame the alcohol, treat alcoholism like the disease that it is, and think of the addict as a third person separate from Matt, there was some relief. But sobriety doesn’t fix anything, and that realization is where the work started. On this episode, Sheri and Matt talk about how alcoholics in recovery can’t hide behind the disease diagnosis. Resentment processing must take place, and the road to rebuilding trust is long and challenging. We should rightly blame the disease, but we still have to do the work of recovery or the marriage simply cannot ever get better.

If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program.

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Ep120 – Hard-Earned Tears with Kathy

“I look at the face that looks back at me from the mirror, and it’s jarring. I look like I’ve aged ten years in just this last one. But it’s more than superficial. The heartbreak that came with my husband’s near death with end-stage alcoholism has cracked open my heart.” Kathy has learned so much while she endured tremendous pain, and on this episode, she shares both her experiences, and her passion for change in the way our society views and manages alcohol and addiction. She explains how she sees alcohol everywhere, creating chaos and dysfunction. And she explains why the normalization of alcohol abuse, and the low success rates in addiction recovery, can no longer be tolerated.

Kathy references Inside Recovery by Anne Fletcher.

If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program.

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Ep119 – Beware of the Inevitable Letdown

The week after Christmas offers lots of threats to sobriety and mental health. Family tension, financial strain, an overbooked calendar, and festive expectations all lead to stress and pressure that is not relieved when the holiday celebration is over. The long, cold winter looms, and the aftermath of the holiday lingers. On this episode, Sheri and Matt reassure our listeners that they are not alone, their emotions are real, and that support is available.

If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program.

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Ep118 – Risks of Making All the Decisions

Sometimes, like in Matt’s case, high-functioning alcoholics are also control-freak assholes. Other times, people who abuse alcohol withdraw leaving all the decisions to the spouse or other loved ones. In both cases, there are serious risks associated with making decisions. In this episode, Sheri and Matt talk all about it. They also discuss why the holidays cause so many relapses, and the pressures the additional holiday decisions add to the stress on a marriage in active addiction or early recovery.

If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program.

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Ep117 – Society’s Tolerance for Bad Behavior

“You sure did have a good time at the Christmas party, Matt.” When he was actively drinking, Matt heard statements like that more than a few times. But they carried no shame, because our society celebrates those who are good at, well, celebrating. Thinking back to teenage experimentation and 20s binge drinking, getting drunk is actually admirable…until it’s not. On this episode, Sheri and Matt talk about the hypocrisy that led to over 15 million American alcoholics. They discuss the completely dismissed risks and dangers to young people, and they talk about how the runway afforded to high-functioning alcoholics keeps families locked in traumatic cycles for years and decades. They end discussing the reward of sobriety in a society that worships the bottle. They laugh a lot on this episode, even though the truth is anything but funny.

If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program.

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Ep116 – Healing from the Fatal Scars of Alcoholism with Dusti Shay

Just over a year after her husband took his own life while firmly in the grasp of alcohol addiction, Dusti Shay is ready to tell her story for the benefit of others fighting to survive this dreadful disease. This episode is tragic and heartbreaking, but it is also powerful and a tribute to the man Dusti married and the incredible love they shared. If you are triggered by discussions about suicide or violence, this episode is not for you. But if those are not your triggers, please don’t skip this episode because you are afraid of the emotional toll it will have on you. The honesty and vulnerability Dusti shares is full of wisdom and insight that is not to be missed. As Dusti explains, her husband’s death is a tragedy without a silver lining, but it gave her the gift of healing. And she shares her gift with all of us.

To read Dusti’s story in her own words, check out her blog.

If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program.

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Ep115 – Saving Alcoholics and Loved Ones with Christina Veselak

Christina Veselak is a mental health nutritionist, a licensed marriage and family therapist, and a licensed psychotherapist who founded the Academy for Addiction and Mental Health Nutrition, and she agrees with Sheri and Matt that food is medicine. On this episode, she shares her 35 years of experience in the field helping people suffering from addiction – both alcoholics and their spouses and other loved ones – heal using the amino acids available in proteins. She gives colorful examples of why amino acid therapy is so effective, and offers special advice for loved ones looking for ways to regulate their overwhelmed nervous systems.

For more about Christina’s work, and to help her spread the message, please check out her new website, EatingProteinSavesLives.org, or click here to get her free ebook.

If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program.

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Ep114 – Thanksgiving Dread, Drinks and Drama

Alcohol plays such a prominent role in the Thanksgiving celebrations in our society that the holiday deserves a conversation all its own. On this episode, Sheri and Matt relive their Thanksgivings during his active alcoholism and his early sobriety. They also flex their SNL fanclub muscles, and Matt grosses Sheri out talking about eating the turkey neck. We hope you gobble up this episode (there’s the pun you were waiting for).

If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program.

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Ep113 – Prodependence with Dr. Robert Weiss

Sheri and Matt welcome Dr. Robert Weiss, the author of Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency, to the Untoxicated Podcast. Dr. Rob has his PhD (he did his dissertation on codependency) and a masters in social work, and is an expert on addiction and adult intimacy disorders. He explains why codependence is not an actual diagnosis, and the blame and shame that the label carries is damaging to the loved ones of alcoholics. He calls the spouses and family of people suffering from addiction heroes, and explains why the concept of Prodependence is so much more accurate and effective because it celebrates empathy, compassion and relationship building. Dr. Rob honors Sheri for having the loving strength endure Matt’s alcoholism and do her very best to help him find permanent sobriety. You can find more about Dr. Rob and his work at his websites:

prodependence.com

seekingintegrity.com

sexandrelationshiphealing.com

If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program.

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