Ep125 – How did Addiction and Sobriety Feel for Sheri?

Experiencing the addiction and early sobriety of a loved one can feel painful, lonely, chaotic, traumatic, isolating and terrorizing for the spouses of alcoholics. On this episode, Matt asks Sheri to recall the emotions she experienced in different stages of the process. The first step to recovery is to realize you are not alone. If you are married to an alcoholic, and you are stuck in painful confusion, this episode might start to unlock a path forward.

If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program.

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Ep124 – Conquering the Two Pitfalls of Early Sobriety

The healing that comes for some in the recovery from alcoholism is the result of hard work. We have to want sobriety for ourselves, and not to appease someone else. We also have to want sobriety because of the immense benefits, not because we are running away from something we can no longer have. In this episode, Sheri and Matt explain that there is nothing subtle about the differences in approaches taken by those who find success in recovery, versus those who get stuck, unable to make it over the hump.

If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program.

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Ep123 – The “Hot Mess” of Intimacy in an Alcoholic Relationship

Trust and alcoholism can’t coexist. Intimacy is impossible without trust and vulnerability. So, alcoholism and intimacy are mutually exclusive. If you are in an alcoholic relationship, something important is missing (but you already know that). On this episode, Sheri and Matt talk about the two paths sexual contact can take in an alcoholic marriage. They explain the childbirth fork in the road, and challenge their own assumptions about maturity. The couple discusses why it is so hard to communicate about satisfaction, and pin the blame for a lot of the dysfunction on a sex education curriculum that is designed to prevent STDs and unwanted pregnancy, and never explains female pleasure. At the risk of oversimplification, Sheri and Matt summarize why intimacy during or after alcoholism is so elusive, and how it can be restored.

If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program.

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Ep122 – The Pain of “Helpful Advice” that Hurts with Dawn

Our family and our friends mean well when they give us advice about our alcoholic marriages. The problem with well-meaning advice from people who have never walked in our shoes is that it often misses the mark. In fact, it often ads significantly to the pain we are already enduring. No one explains it better than our guest on this episode. Dawn shares her writing on this topic, and discusses the pain of “helpful advice” with Sheri and Matt. The three of them brainstorm alternative ways to support without adding to the stress and hurt.

If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program.

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Ep121 – The Blame Game Keeps Us Stuck

As an active alcoholic, Matt put a lot of the blame for their dysfunctional marriage on Sheri. In early sobriety, he blamed himself for the overwhelming shame he felt. The whole time, Sheri was convinced Matt and his drinking were to blame. Once the couple learned to blame the alcohol, treat alcoholism like the disease that it is, and think of the addict as a third person separate from Matt, there was some relief. But sobriety doesn’t fix anything, and that realization is where the work started. On this episode, Sheri and Matt talk about how alcoholics in recovery can’t hide behind the disease diagnosis. Resentment processing must take place, and the road to rebuilding trust is long and challenging. We should rightly blame the disease, but we still have to do the work of recovery or the marriage simply cannot ever get better.

If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program.

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Ep120 – Hard-Earned Tears with Kathy

“I look at the face that looks back at me from the mirror, and it’s jarring. I look like I’ve aged ten years in just this last one. But it’s more than superficial. The heartbreak that came with my husband’s near death with end-stage alcoholism has cracked open my heart.” Kathy has learned so much while she endured tremendous pain, and on this episode, she shares both her experiences, and her passion for change in the way our society views and manages alcohol and addiction. She explains how she sees alcohol everywhere, creating chaos and dysfunction. And she explains why the normalization of alcohol abuse, and the low success rates in addiction recovery, can no longer be tolerated.

Kathy references Inside Recovery by Anne Fletcher.

If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program.

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Ep119 – Beware of the Inevitable Letdown

The week after Christmas offers lots of threats to sobriety and mental health. Family tension, financial strain, an overbooked calendar, and festive expectations all lead to stress and pressure that is not relieved when the holiday celebration is over. The long, cold winter looms, and the aftermath of the holiday lingers. On this episode, Sheri and Matt reassure our listeners that they are not alone, their emotions are real, and that support is available.

If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program.

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Ep118 – Risks of Making All the Decisions

Sometimes, like in Matt’s case, high-functioning alcoholics are also control-freak assholes. Other times, people who abuse alcohol withdraw leaving all the decisions to the spouse or other loved ones. In both cases, there are serious risks associated with making decisions. In this episode, Sheri and Matt talk all about it. They also discuss why the holidays cause so many relapses, and the pressures the additional holiday decisions add to the stress on a marriage in active addiction or early recovery.

If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program.

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Ep117 – Society’s Tolerance for Bad Behavior

“You sure did have a good time at the Christmas party, Matt.” When he was actively drinking, Matt heard statements like that more than a few times. But they carried no shame, because our society celebrates those who are good at, well, celebrating. Thinking back to teenage experimentation and 20s binge drinking, getting drunk is actually admirable…until it’s not. On this episode, Sheri and Matt talk about the hypocrisy that led to over 15 million American alcoholics. They discuss the completely dismissed risks and dangers to young people, and they talk about how the runway afforded to high-functioning alcoholics keeps families locked in traumatic cycles for years and decades. They end discussing the reward of sobriety in a society that worships the bottle. They laugh a lot on this episode, even though the truth is anything but funny.

If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program.

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Ep116 – Healing from the Fatal Scars of Alcoholism with Dusti Shay

Just over a year after her husband took his own life while firmly in the grasp of alcohol addiction, Dusti Shay is ready to tell her story for the benefit of others fighting to survive this dreadful disease. This episode is tragic and heartbreaking, but it is also powerful and a tribute to the man Dusti married and the incredible love they shared. If you are triggered by discussions about suicide or violence, this episode is not for you. But if those are not your triggers, please don’t skip this episode because you are afraid of the emotional toll it will have on you. The honesty and vulnerability Dusti shares is full of wisdom and insight that is not to be missed. As Dusti explains, her husband’s death is a tragedy without a silver lining, but it gave her the gift of healing. And she shares her gift with all of us.

To read Dusti’s story in her own words, check out her blog.

If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program.

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