Ep232 – Question FOR Listeners: When do kid decisions become unilateral?

February 26, 2024

During Matt’s active addiction, Sheri had to pick and choose the times she discussed big parenting decisions with him, and there was plenty of stress and anxiety around raising the kids, but she never cut Matt off and made parenting decisions unilaterally. What has to happen to make the partner of the drinker cut the drinker off from parental decisions? And what has to happen to re-engage in recovery? We really want to know. Please post your answers in the comment on our Untoxicated Podcast website, or send your response to [email protected].

Sheri and Matt start the episode by answering a listener’s question Do you want to ask the couple something too? if so, send your question to [email protected].

If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program.

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2 comments on “Ep232 – Question FOR Listeners: When do kid decisions become unilateral?

  1. Susan Clougherty Mar 3, 2024

    Good episode. I can relate very much to this episode. My husband is a year and a half sober. I think one of the biggest effects his drinking, gaslighting and lying had on our family was that sense of anxiety that comes from walking on eggshells. That shift in the mood of the house that exists through heavy drinking periods, supposed periods of absence, etc. I’m trying to write this fast to get it out and send. so I’m prob not explaining myself well, but I know I didn’t include my husband in the daily goings on of my teenage daughters. I didn’t tell him anything about their social lives, I couldn’t tell him how badly his drinking was affecting them. When the girls would have lots of feelings, they would only share them with me and I had to hold them for everybody. I dropped them off and picked them up from every outing at night. I waited up for them when he was passed out in the chair. All the discussions we had about teenage drinking and curfews, etc. I did not want him involved in. I didn’t trust his opinions or advice. He would tell them what I thought were inappropriate stories about his teen years or just give them wacky advice. I would sit uncomfortably through it or try to change the subject. I needed to overthink everything on my own without a competent partner to share it with. I never asked about money. I would just charge everything. I still can’t talk about money. He is a great father. His daughters still adore him. I love seeing his relationships with them continue in a positive way. I would like for there to be more open communication about the last ten years and how it has affected them someday. I would like for him to acknowledge how much this affected me. It wasn’t the big fights. I believe this stress absolutely changed me physically and mentally. They are now 23, 21 and 19.