Our latest essay from our Untoxicated blog: “Rose, part one”
He took a cube of cheese right out of Rose’s mouth. It was the move a parent makes when a baby shoves an unhalved grape past its toothless gums. “You should eat more protein,” is what Rose’s partner, Chris, said.
“You’re too fat,” is what she heard.
The emotional abuse didn’t really ramp up until Chris was sober…
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I am thought of by many as a God fearing man and for my devout Catholicism as well as my active participation with volunteer work. Which took part in my ability to confuse her sensibility, using her vulnerability, and persuade her into believing everything was just “between her ears”. Causing her severe mental and emotional damage.
I was able to confuse her because she opened herself up to me with vulnerability. We’ve known each other for many years, I had her fooled into believing in and and trusting me.
I was extremely psychology, emotionally, and mentally abusive towards her. I lied and manipulated. I never felt or shown any remorse, shame, guilt nor took any accountability for my actions. I have zero integrity. She had been through so much and built herself a better life and I ripped it apart. Knowingly what she had been through. I would spin or sling mud and then punish her with the silent treatment. She tried so very hard to explain what I was doing to her, and I fully understood, I just wanted to remain denying it all. Her therapist told her I confused her, and when she told me that I laughed in her face. She told me after all she’s endured, she doesn’t feel she’ll fully recover from what I put her through. One of the last things I said to her is, if she wants to play the victim her whole life, to go for it. She’s in her 50s I’m in my 60s. I know all that she’s been through. And she’s not only a survivor, but a thrived. And I dismantled her strength and courage. I accused her of being obsessed with a situation that I would constantly spin and make her feel to blame, and I would keep lying. Any time she tried to have a conversation, reasonably, I’d gaslight it into an argument and would punish her again with the silent treatment for her reaction.
Thanks for your honesty, Art. I hope it feel cathartic to get it all out. And I hope for you both some peace living without the denials. I am familiar with the denials. Thanks for sharing!
Hi Matt, thank you. I wonder if she doing well. No one else has ever really seen or know of this side of me. I never use the words .. I’m sorry.
She pointed out my hypocrisy when it comes to God. She asked me twice, to pray with her and I declined.
Thank you again for this
Art Scherl NY
Thanks for listening, Art, and for your vulnerability.