I’ve talked and written extensively about my relationship with my wife. Now it is her turn to talk. Hear about the damage done to our marriage as we suffered decades of alcoholism and emerged clinging to survival. This is the most emotional and raw episode we’ve ever recorded. Hear what an alcoholic marriage is all about.
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WOW!!!!! Thank you SO much for sharing….I shed quite a few tears during your podcast…because, I was the Matt in the story.and my husband and children were the Sherri…although, my husband drank too and often heavily right alongside me…I was the cruel,mean,demeaning ,hurtful jerk.and my kids were older than yours….my husband would often call my family reaching out for help….and actually my 2nd marriage was bad involving alcohol as well…but reversed, my husband at the time was more of the alcohol and the mean one verbally and physically…which eventually floated over to me.and I became the same!! I REALLY appreciate you both sharing your experiences…I’ve now been sober,completely for over 27 months,without 1 fail….although as time goes on…it definitely doesnt get easier…the thought of having a drink or the craving…..BUT hearing your story was a Real reminder,of the pain I caused my family AND myself during my alcoholic days,which was probabaly 10-15 yrs.of course like Matt,I started out as a “functional alcoholic”,until over time…I wasnt fooling anyone anymore,but was in full blown DENIAL…the last 3-5 yrs before my sobriety were BAD!!! Anyway, again I Thank you two for sharing, and I’m thinking of sharing your podcast at our ladies 12 step “celebrate recovery” meeting.
I always love hearing from you, Danielle! I think you hit that nail on the head when you said you view this as a reminder of how bad it was. Without reminders, we forget the past and are doomed to repeat it. I’ll probably listen to this from time to time for that very same reason. Thanks for your comment!
You two are still together because both of you are worth it! You are both brave and honest and generous with each other and with your own selves. It is the belief that there is a “good person” in Matt that Sherry speaks of at the end that characterizes the mutual worthiness. And I’ll tell Sherry, at least, that I, another woman who married an alcoholic, that she would play hell trying to find a guy who is as good a person as Matt is out there in the “open market.” You are each other’s equal in the brains and soul and heart and courage department, and you are forging something few people experience in their life. Thanks to both of you for your openness.
Thank you, Elizabeth. I’ve got to tell you, Sheri’s comments at the end of the episode took me by surprise, but they sure were nice to hear. Thanks for listening, and thanks for making us feel like we are on the right path!
Well done, raw with emotion and terribly realistic. Matt, I thought you did a good job drawing conversation out from Sheri. She was in your face real with emotion and feeling. It seemed to me that you are farther along in the healing process than she. Key is you both appeared very honest and committed to healing. I’ll say a prayer for both of you for continued healing.
That is right, Mike, that I am a little further into recovery. I think that’s the nature of a marriage with one alcoholic spouse. Before she can recover, she has to trust that I’m not going to start drinking again. That extra step she has that I don’t takes time. Thanks for you feedback my friend!
I don’t even remember how i stumbled on to your work today Matt (had never heard of you)… and after listening to this full podcast just now – am wondering if i’m glad i did, or not (kidding – i loved it).
I’ve been a high function alki for awhile, i guess. I moderate. Make rules. Don’t F up very often. And i guess believe there’s a chance i could get my shit together for good (i’m moderating now again)… -hoping i won’t have to stop for good. No one’s ever heard that before…
Sheri is a champion. I cannot believe i’m writing this now, and it’s due to her last emotions about knowing you’ve got too much good in you. Geeezus is that authentic and beautiful. Thank you.
Yeah, Tim. That’s my favorite part, too. It was authentic and completely unexpected to me when she said it. I’ve actually listened to that part over and over.
It sounds to me like you’re right where I was three years ago. It also sounds like you’re not sure what you’re going to do. I’ll tell you this: sobriety isn’t all sunshine and roses. It’s really hard, but it is authentic. And it saved my marriage and kept my kids from being ashamed of me. I guess I don’t care how hard I is as long as I have that stuff. Good luck, and thanks for listening.
I have lived with my wife for the last 8 years. She went through rough times during my previous divorce gradually increasing her alcohol intake. She continued even when there was no stress she needed to get drunk about one or two times a week. She would threaten to kill me and my children from my previous wife. Forced me to have sex. She would choke, scratch, slap, punch me and all I could do was to hold her down on the floor for two hours until her alcohol level went down. She would not let me sleep at night when I had to get up at 5:15 in the morning she would not let me go out of the apartment to take a break. She got to the point that violence started happening even when alcohol was not present. Later on she will show me a lot of love these extra love that she gave me is what made it for me not to break up with her I felt that she was the only person that really care and love me. The physical violence has almost completely stopped but she becomes verbally violent when she’s drunk and things don’t go her way. She continues lying to me about hidden alcohol bottles she continues promising she will stop but she doesn’t. Is there a solution to all this?
Kindly and carefully please answer me.
Thank you for sharing, Joe. The first step toward healing is for her to stop drinking. Have you read my Guide to Early Sobriety? This is how I got sober. I hope it is helpful!
So happy I found this podcast. So sad that this particular conversation (such an amazing sharing!) is my current reality and has been for years.
I identify so strongly with Sherri. The negative feelings and damage in the relatiinshio due to alcohol, but the knowing there is amazing person in there. It is tiresome and I grow weary with the disappointment, fear and anger.
Thank you, Thus gives hope and listening to Sherri, could be me talking (and crying ;-). I am especially concerned with the kids and how this disease (and our continuing with things, my constant moving boundary lines,) will affect them. I assume your children are still quite young.
So much of this I have lived.. (the games of trying to control it: “I quit for 3 months” and “how come everyone else can drink?”).
I will be looking for part 2.
Thank you for listening and commenting, Ann. We’re sorry you share these alcoholic experiences, but we’re glad you found us! Our kids are teenagers now including one in college. Here is a link to part 2 that you planned to look for:
All of the recent episodes are about alcoholic relationships like ours. We hope you keep listening!
This post is amazing… No words for how well she is able to really speak her truth. I am really intrigued in how you have both survived. in my case my drinking was devastating on my marriage. I am so happy that I have found this site.
We’re glad you found us. Thank you for listening, Erin!
This interview absolutely hit me in the gut. Sheri’s story is exactly mine, from college beginnings, to 4 kids and maturing, to anger, disappointment, self doubt, privacy, and isolation. I cried when she talked about losing her “safety net”, because that’s when I knew there was an undeniable problem with my husband’s drinking. What a painful realization, that the kids may not have a responsible adult in my absence. And what a burden to try to do it all, all the time. It has taken me 15 years of ice-queen nagging to open his eyes to the problem. We’re at what I hope is the beginning of lasting sobriety, and your book and interviews have provided more comfort and hope than I ever thought possible. You are such a blessing and an affirmation to honesty and commitment. I can’t wait to listen to the rest of the podcasts!
Thank you for your feedback, Lisa. It is when we hear that people resonate like you do that keeps us going!