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Untoxicated Blog

Rose, part two

Our latest essay from our Untoxicated blog: “Rose, part two” Confused about the sources of her anxiety, and incapable of confronting Chris for the alcohol or relationship dysfunction, Rose did what she’d been trained to do her whole life. She signed up for 5k runs and thumbed through grad school degree catalogs. Deflection and gaslighting are traits so often assigned to people experiencing addiction first hand. But second-hand alcoholics can get pretty good at them, too. Rose could have taught a grad school class in denying reality and looking for a solution in external gratification. Rose ignored the anxiety and her partner’s drinking, and instead focused on the next degree, the next job, or at least the next PR in the next Saturday morning race. It is a good thing she didn’t get the euphoric feeling from booze that many of us alcoholics experience. She had the denial and deflection down so well that it’s kind of amazing that she didn’t develop a debilitating addiction of her own. She was stuck... If you are ready to work through the trauma and shame, as the drinker or the partner of a drinker, please take our brief survey at UntoxicatedSurvey.org so we can share resources, including a free ebook.

Ep344 – Be a Happier Parent with Alex Trippier

Does the distribution of household workload cause stress in your relationship? Are your parenting roles unclear as women excel in the workforce and men struggle to pick up the emotional load? Does it feel like your partnership is a competition? Does recovery from alcohol, and a lack of emotional safety, make it all exponentially harder? If so, you will get a lot from Sheri's and Matt's conversation with Alex Trippier, host of the Be a Happier Parent podcast. Please go to UntoxicatedSurvey.org to better understand the impact of alcohol and/or emotional abuse on you and your family. Whether you are the drinker or the partner, whether you feel a lack of emotional safety or don’t really know what that means, we can help you feel supported. Take the survey. You’ve got this, and we’ve got you.

Untoxicated Blog

Rose, part one

Our latest essay from our Untoxicated blog: “Rose, part one” He took a cube of cheese right out of Rose’s mouth. It was the move a parent makes when a baby shoves an unhalved grape past its toothless gums. “You should eat more protein,” is what Rose’s partner, Chris, said. “You’re too fat,” is what she heard. The emotional abuse didn’t really ramp up until Chris was sober... If you are ready to work through the trauma and shame, as the drinker or the partner of a drinker, please take our brief survey at UntoxicatedSurvey.org so we can share resources, including a free ebook.

Ep343 – The Five Love Languages with Monica Tanner

"You know my love language is physical touch, and yet you withhold sex, and that's why I drink." Relationship and Sex Therapist Monica Tanner joins Sheri and Matt to talk about ways The Five Love Languages are sometimes weaponized, and to dispell myths about our responsibility to make our partner's feel loved. There are important lessons within the love languages about curiosity and communication, while at the same time, we remain responsible for getting out own needs met. Monica's positivity radiates through this conversation, and is featured in her book, Bad Marriage Advice, and her podcast, Secrets of Happily Ever After. Please go to UntoxicatedSurvey.org to better understand the impact of alcohol and/or emotional abuse on you and your family. Whether you are the drinker or the partner, whether you feel a lack of emotional safety or don’t really know what that means, we can help you feel supported. Take the survey. You’ve got this, and we’ve got you.

Untoxicated Blog

She IS Stuck in the Past

Our latest essay from our Untoxicated blog: “She IS Stuck in the Past” “You said we would only be there for a little while. A couple of beers, you said. The kids and I left you there at almost midnight. When you stumbled in at 2am, fell up the back stairs, and started calling my name, I was afraid you were going to wake the kids. I didn’t want them to see you like that. I didn’t want them to see me as angry as I was.” My wife brought up that memory more than once. I used to ask her why she couldn’t get out of the past. “You are stuck, Sheri. That was years ago. I’ve been sober for a long time. Why can’t you be proud of the man I’ve become?”... If you are ready to work through the trauma and shame, as the drinker or the partner of a drinker, please take our brief survey at UntoxicatedSurvey.org so we can share resources, including a free ebook.

Divorce

Ep342 – Divorce Like a Boss with Diana

Diana Romanov practices family law in California, and she believes in client education and harnessing the power of technology to partner with her clients to guide them through the emotionally difficult process of divorce. We ask Diana about custody, mediation, reconciliation, gender trends, AI/digital divorce, the cost of winning, and the weaponization of the wedding vows. This is not legal advice, but Diana's Divorce Like a Boss with Diana YouTube channel, and her 2023 book of the same name, are valuable educational resources for anyone considering the end of an alcoholic marriage. Please go to UntoxicatedSurvey.org to better understand the impact of alcohol and/or emotional abuse on you and your family. Whether you are the drinker or the partner, whether you feel a lack of emotional safety or don’t really know what that means, we can help you feel supported. Take the survey. You’ve got this, and we’ve got you.

Untoxicated Blog

Jen, part two

Our latest essay from our Untoxicated blog: “Jen, part two” (Click here to listen to part one.) Old academic papers on the impact of alcoholism on kids are plentiful. The studies from the end of last century usually suggest that the family stay together. That’s one of the things I despise about behavioral health research. Humans are complex and coercible, and an experienced academic can usually design a study to get the results that validate his assertions. People haven’t changed much since the start of this new millennium, but the advice sure has. It is widely believed among family psychologists that what children need is one stable parent, to provide emotional support, physical safety, and healthy adult modeling. Staying in a toxic marriage for the sake of the kids is finally being openly criticised for being as ludicrous as it sounds. Between the popular research-driven myth that Jen should keep her family together for the sake of her kids, and her financial dependence on her husband, when considering divorce, the cons column was stacked... If you are ready to focus on what matters, as the drinker or the partner of a drinker, please take our brief survey at UntoxicatedSurvey.org so we can share resources, including a free ebook.

Ep341 – Embracing Emotional Masculinity with Hammer

Mike Hamm is the partner of a drinker in recovery. He really relates to many of Sheri's experiences. As a man, he also shares struggles with Matt. On this episode, Sheri, Matt, and Hammer talk about missed red flags, communication problems, gender instincts, brushes with the law, suicide, anger management, individual recovery, relationship repair, emotional safety, emotional intimacy, and Emotional Masculinity. Please go to UntoxicatedSurvey.org to better understand the impact of alcohol and/or emotional abuse on you and your family. Whether you are the drinker or the partner, whether you feel a lack of emotional safety or don’t really know what that means, we can help you feel supported. Take the survey. You’ve got this, and we’ve got you.

Untoxicated Blog

Jen, part one

Our latest essay from our Untoxicated blog: “Jen, part one” Mindfuckery. That’s how she described the cognitive dissonance of sitting in the waiting room while her son’s wisdom teeth were being extracted–doing one of the most motherly things a mother can do–while her husband sat it jail... If you are ready to focus on what matters, as the drinker or the partner of a drinker, please take our brief survey at UntoxicatedSurvey.org so we can share resources, including a free ebook.

Ep340 – Dual Diagnosis: What’s Behind the Alcohol?

Dual Diagnosis is a medical term for when someone experiences a substance use disorder and a co-occurring mental health concern. Sheri and Matt expand the definition to include behavioral addictions, talk about the impact of stigma and pathologizing, discuss Matt's specific diagnoses, and share stories from the cases with which they have experience. Dual Diagnosis likely impacts the majority of alcoholics. This conversation can bring awareness and validation to drinkers and partners. Please go to UntoxicatedSurvey.org to better understand the impact of alcohol and/or emotional abuse on you and your family. Whether you are the drinker or the partner, whether you feel a lack of emotional safety or don’t really know what that means, we can help you feel supported. Take the survey. You’ve got this, and we’ve got you.