We are Sheri and Matt Salis, and our marriage survived active alcoholism. We were shocked to find our relationship in even more trouble in recovery because of the pain, lack of trust and years of resentment that sobriety exposed. But we are making it work, and we are sharing our painful story with the millions of alcoholic couples dealing with both active alcoholism, and also the challenges of recovery.

  • Addiction
  • Recovery
  • Relationship

Ep47 – The Emotional Volatility of Living with Alcoholism

We talk a lot of the trauma and pain of living with an alcoholic, but we rarely share the details. In this episode, Sheri and Matt talk about the emotional struggles of confronting alcoholism head on, trying not to engage because it is pointless, and the triggers that make ignoring the problem impossible. The advice of experts is helpful, but human instinct sometimes makes following best practices impossible. Sheri relives the emotional moments and the reactions they caused. If you are the loved one of an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program. Echoes of Recovery
  • Addiction
  • Alcohol
  • Recovery
  • Relationship

Ep46 – Impact: Here’s Why You’re Not a Failure

Recovery is not a binary choice. You are not a success if you are sober, and a failure if you relapse. The same is true for the loved ones of alcoholics. Perfection should not be the goal. Progress should. In this episode, Sheri and Matt talk about the impact that we make on the people around us in our pursuit of recovery from our alcoholic marriage. Sheri calls it transformation (helpful), and Matt talks about Olympic javelin throwers stabbing themselves in the foot (less helpful). They both agree the destination is worth the effort when it comes to transforming out of an alcoholic marriage. If you are the loved one of an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program. Echoes of Recovery
  • Addiction
  • Alcohol
  • Recovery
  • Relationship

Ep45 – The Revealing Truth of Sobriety

I thought I was so funny, cute, smart and charming when I was drinking. Little did I know, I was just a loud and boorish bloviator of intoxicated rambling. Now I'm sober. Now I see it. In this episode, Sheri and Matt talk about the stark reality of sobriety, and the honest challenges that come along with the good of no longer poisoning my brain. As our roles in our relationship shift, and our contributions to the marriage come into balance, the reality is emotional. If you would like to connect with others who are going through the same emotional navigation of loving an alcoholic, we'd love for you to join us in the Echoes of Recovery program. Echoes of Recovery
  • Addiction
  • Alcohol
  • Recovery

Ep44 – You Drank Yourself Silly: The Brain Chemistry of Alcoholism

If you are the loved one of an alcoholic, it is easy to blame poor lifestyle choices and lack of willpower for the jam your abusive drinker has gotten the both of you into. But it is far more complex than that, and tragically misunderstood. In this episode, Sheri and Matt discuss the brain chemistry of alcoholism. We especially look at it from Sheri's perspective as her opinions changed through her education and understanding of what was really going on in Matt's noggin. If you resonate with this conversation, and you are seeking support for your recovery as the loved one of an alcoholic, we hope you'll check out our program of connection, empathy, compassion and healing: Echoes of Recovery
  • Addiction
  • Alcohol
  • Relationship

Ep43 – Relationship Recovery Dry Relapse

A dry drunk is a label associated with someone who white-knuckles his way through sobriety. A dry drunk might not be drinking alcohol, but he is not learning, growing or seeking the enlightenment of recovery. Sheri and Matt are in the middle of a raw and traumatic dry relapse in their relationship recovery. Alcohol has had no place in their marriage for 3 1/2 years now, but the lack of trust and need to be trusted has sent us reeling into a pit of despair as though we are still in active alcoholism. The pain and hopelessness is palpable in this episode recorded during the depths of the conflict. Here we explain in vivid reality the number one reason most marriages in recovery from alcoholism end in divorce. If you resonate, and you want a safe place to share your story of loving an alcoholic, please check out our Echoes of Recovery Program. Echoes of Recovery
  • Alcohol
  • Recovery
  • Relationship

Ep42 – The Alcohol is Gone, But the Asshole Lingers

One of the most common concerns Sheri and Matt hear from the loved ones of alcoholics is, "He's a drunk asshole now, but what if he sobers up, and he's still an asshole?" The processes of alcoholism sobriety and relationship recovery are long and arduous, and they take as much patience as they require effort. Just as alcoholism is a progressive disease, there is a progression to recovery. We don't lose our asshole-ness as soon as we put down the drink. It takes time, and the final destination isn't perfect. But it's a good, normal, asshole-free messy. If you are the loved one of an alcoholic, and you would like to connect with others who know what you are going through, please consider joining our Echoes of Recovery program. Check out the link below: Echoes of Recovery
  • Addiction
  • Alcohol
  • Teens

Ep41 – Parenting Sober: Journey into the Unknown

Sheri and Matt had drastically different exposures to alcohol when we were growing up, and we carried that experience into our parenting roles. Our kids were all exposed to Matt's alcoholism, to varying degrees because of their different ages, but now, they are all exposed to this experiment where both parents are both sober and educated on the dangers of alcohol. On this episode, we talk about our excitement about the outcomes so far of our approach to parenting in recovery. But we also share our anxiety about the future. We encourage anyone who wants to transform their family unit to one where alcohol has ben eliminated, and the truth about alcohol is exposed, to consider joining our Echoes of Recovery program for the loved ones of alcoholics. For more information, or to enroll, please click the link below: Echoes of Recovery
  • Addiction
  • Alcohol
  • Relationship

Ep40 – Friendships Lost in Recovery

Sheri and Matt are big believers in the power of vulnerability, and the huge gains in enlightenment and healing we have made as a result of recovering out loud. But in this episode, we talk about friendships lost through the recovery process. These losses are a real thing, and they cannot be ignored. But then we pull the conversation out of the ditch and talk about how thankful we are for the profoundly deep and meaningful friendships that would not be possible if not for the recovery of our alcoholic marriage. And the Echoes of Recovery program is a huge part of that. To learn more about Echoes of Recovery, or to enroll, please click the link below: Echoes of Recovery
  • Recovery
  • Relationship

Ep39 – Instinct Over Insecurity: When Pushing It Down Stops Working

Sheri and Matt talk about the evolving process of learning to trust instincts. The greatest challenge to listening to what she knows to be true are the lingering alcoholic relationship insecurities. We share the "lightbulb moment" from our Echoes of Recovery program which provides connection for the loved ones of alcoholics. The sharing and communication gives a validation of instincts not available anywhere else in the recovery world. Echoes of Recovery is loved ones of alcoholics helping other loved ones of alcoholics to heal and thrive, and it's a beautiful thing. For more information, or to enroll, check us out at: EchoesOfRecovery.com
  • Addiction
  • Recovery
  • Relationship

Ep38 – It Turns Out My Wife’s Not a Bitch

I had a huge ego as an active alcoholic. I thought I was great. My wife, Sheri, found me repulsive and stupid, and she felt betrayed by my love of alcohol. When I stopped drinking, Sheri's feelings and attitude did not automatically change. I was sober and our relationship continued to deteriorate. I thought I was married to a bitch. In this episode, Matt and Sheri talk about my awakening - my realization that our relationship problems were not all her fault. The challenge of blaming the disease, and having patience in recovery, is what trips up most relationships in recovery, resulting in so many divorces. If you are the loved on of an alcoholic, we encourage you to check out our Echoes of Recovery program where we offer connection and understanding of our shared stories. You are not a bitch, and we know it. Checks us out at: EchoesOfRecovery.com
Untoxicated Podcast © 2020