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Ep109 – Joyless Recovery and Underlying Issues

The first year of his permanent sobriety, Matt felt like shit. It wasn’t for lack of recovery effort. His pleasure neurotransmitters that had been hijacked by alcohol just took a year or so to adjust... Read More

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We are Sheri and Matt Salis, and our marriage survived active alcoholism. We were shocked to find our relationship in even more trouble in recovery because of the pain, lack of trust and years of resentment that sobriety exposed. But we are making it work, and we are sharing our painful story with the millions of alcoholic couples dealing with both active alcoholism, and also the challenges of recovery.

  • Addiction
  • Recovery
  • Relationship
  • Sex

Ep108 – Sex with Sheri and Matt

When Sheri and Matt were seeking expert advise on restoring intimacy and growing closer together in their post-alcoholic marriage, they turned to the Emily's: Dr. Emily Morse of the Sex with Emily podcast, and Dr. Emily Nagoski, author of the best selling book, Come as You Are. On this episode, Sheri and Matt share the core messages from both the Emily's, and relate what they have learned to their relationship recovery work. As promised in the episode, here is a link to Dr. Emily Nagoski's website where you, our listener, can invite her to join Sheri and Matt on the Untoxicated Podcast. If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program. Echoes of Recovery
October 11, 2021
  • Addiction
  • Alcohol
  • Recovery
  • Relationship

Ep107 – The Weight of Unnecessary Decisions

Have you, or has someone you love, ever been absolutely determined to be done with alcohol in the morning, only to be drinking that very same evening? One of the major contributing factors to that alcohol-related whiplash is decision fatigue. On this episode, Sheri and Matt talk about the reasons drinking alcohol adds volume and complexity to our decision making leaving us incapable of making good decisions. Alcohol is its own self-fulfilling prophecy. If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program. Echoes of Recovery
October 4, 2021
  • Addiction
  • Alcohol
  • Recovery
  • Relationship

Ep106 – Confronting and Traversing the Storms with Liz

The popular misperception of an alcoholic marriage is that it always comes down to a frustrated wife trying to decide if she will divorce her alcoholic husband. As is the case with most things related to the disease of addiction, an alcoholic marriage is quite often a great deal more complicated than that. In this episode, Matt reads excerpts from an essay Liz wrote about the stormy year of alcohol, death, job loss, a car accident, depression, health issues, and emotional instability she and her husband are traversing - both independently and together. Liz adds color and details to the essay in a way only this thoughtful, insightful and brilliant woman can. She is making it out, and her story is an inspiration. If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program. Echoes of Recovery
September 27, 2021
  • Addiction
  • Alcohol
  • Recovery
  • Relationship

Ep105 – Disconnected: The Needs of a Couple in Recovery

When Matt thought he most needed Sheri's support and sympathy while he was in early sobriety, Sheri was detached and focused on her own healing and independence. It turns out, Sheri's detachment might have saved the marriage. What the alcoholic needs, and what the loved one needs from the recovery process, are counterintuitive and seemingly at odds. That's one of the reasons we describe alcoholism as a diabolical disease. But there is a way to navigate sobriety as individuals, and make the relationship thrive in the end. If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program. Echoes of Recovery
September 20, 2021
  • Addiction
  • Alcohol
  • Recovery
  • Relationship

Ep104 – Compassionate Relationship Recovery with Karen

Success stories are too rare when it comes to recovering a marriage from the ravages of alcoholism and the challenges of recovery. We are so pleased to have Karen on the podcast to share her discovery path to healing her alcoholic marriage, now three years into sobriety. Karen uses compassion and lived experience to tell her story and inspire others. One of her greatest strengths is finding resources that help in her process, and she talks with Sheri and Matt about one of her favorite books, Prodependence. This episode is full of hope and honesty. If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program. Echoes of Recovery
September 13, 2021
  • Addiction
  • Alcohol
  • Recovery
  • Relationship

Ep103 – Impact of Gaslighting

The loved ones of alcoholics almost always experience gaslighting - the manipulative conversations alcoholics use to normalize excessive drinking. On this episode, Sheri talks about the impact of Matt's gaslighting on her, and Matt provides an explanation for why gaslighting comes so naturally and is such a universal aspect of alcoholic relationships. They talk about the long-lasting effects of this manipulation - intentional or not. And the couple discusses the road back to healing and trust. If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program. Echoes of Recovery
September 6, 2021
  • Addiction
  • Alcohol
  • Recovery
  • Relationship

Ep102 – The Worry Hole: Cause or Result of High-Functioning Alcoholism

Worrying about stuff seems a common characteristic of high-functioning alcoholics. The object of concern can be work related, a family matter, or frankly, just about anything big or small. We use alcohol ineffectively to manage the worries. But this question remains: Does life stress create alcoholics, or does alcohol use create bad stress management skills and techniques? On this episode, Sheri and Matt discuss this chicken or egg situation. They share their personal experiences, and ponder the societal trend toward new forms of chemically induced life management. If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program. Echoes of Recovery
August 30, 2021
  • Addiction
  • Alcohol
  • Recovery
  • Relationship
  • Sex

Ep101 – Relationship Relapse Part 2

We received so much feedback about "Ep99 - Seven Fourteen Twenty-One: Relapse", that Sheri and Matt felt compelled to address it in this unplanned follow-up episode. Some listeners were surprised to learn that challenges linger in extended recovery. Others empathized with the continued struggle. Still others felt like Matt's insecurities continue while Sheri continues to suffer from his gaslighting. In this "Part 2" episode, Sheri and Matt address all of it. And they discuss Matt's theories that self-esteem is the opposite of addiction, and trust is the opposite of the chaos of an alcoholic relationship. If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program. Echoes of Recovery
August 23, 2021
  • Addiction
  • Alcohol
  • Family
  • Recovery

Ep100 – A Recorded Session of Our Echoes of Recovery Group

100! This is episode 100! What better way could there be to celebrate than by hosting the people the podcast is for, and who inspire the topics we discuss. For Ep100, Sheri and Matt welcome Jessica, Kim, Suzy, Karen, Nickie, Barbara, Haley and Suzanne from our Echoes of Recovery program. This expert panel discusses why a support network is crucial to the successful recovery of the loved ones of alcoholics. These eight guests are veteran members of Echoes, and they are an inspiration to Sheri and Matt to keep going and keep being vulnerable. We are not alone. We share a story, and a mission of healing. If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program. Echoes of Recovery
August 16, 2021
  • Addiction
  • Alcohol
  • Recovery
  • Relationship

Ep99 – Seven Fourteen Twenty-One: Replapse

No alcohol, nor any other drugs, were involved in the making of this episode. This is about a relationship relapse back into the pit of hell. It is said that when we see devastation, we can't unsee it. Once we've experienced hopeless despair, we leave breadcrumbs on the shortcut that leads back to painful desperation. For Sheri and Matt, July 14, 2021 was the most crushing day of their marriage. Alcoholism is brutal and insidious, and the destruction continues long after the drinking ends. For Sheri and Matt, the good days far outnumber the bad. But the wounds are easy to reopen, and recovery, even relationship recovery, is a bastion of relapse. If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program. Echoes of Recovery
August 9, 2021
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