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We are Sheri and Matt Salis, and our marriage survived active alcoholism. We were shocked to find our relationship in even more trouble in recovery because of the pain, lack of trust and years of resentment that sobriety exposed. But we are making it work, and we are sharing our painful story with the millions of alcoholic couples dealing with both active alcoholism, and also the challenges of recovery.

  • Addiction
  • Alcohol
  • Recovery
  • Relationship

Ep63 – The Holiday Season: Tinsel & Candy Cane Covered Trauma

It's a Wonderful Life or White Christmas - who has experienced a holiday season that lives up to those perfect pictures of love, family and humanity? Normal Rockwell sets the bar pretty high, yet we still try to measure-up year after year. Add the trauma alcohol brings when mixed with unavoidable holiday stress, and it's the most terrifying time of the year. In this episode, Sheri and Matt discuss the holiday seasons of his active alcoholism, and also the recent years when alcohol has left the marriage. The holidays are no longer traumatizing, but they are still hard (but they're getting better). Recovering a relationship takes on a whole new meaning at the holidays. If you are the loved one of an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program. Echoes of Recovery
  • Addiction
  • Alcohol
  • Relationship

Ep62 – You’ve Done Nothing Wrong. Why are you So Ashamed?

The shame of alcoholism is not reserved only for the drinkers. The loved ones of drinkers feel an enormous amount of shame - for letting it get so bad and for being unable to fix the problems in the relationship. And when the gaslighting of the drinker makes the loved one question her own sanity, the shame mounts to debilitating levels. But there is hope. On this episode, Sheri and Matt discuss the shame they both felt in their alcoholic marriage, and the keys to moving past it and feeling proud, confident, and on the road to healing and recovery. Also, Sheri makes fun of Matt's inability to remember more than two things. If you are the loved one of an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program. Echoes of Recovery
  • Addiction
  • Alcohol
  • Relationship

Ep61 – Traci on Healing Her Broken Heart

The anger and resentment from her husband's drinking was building inside our friend, Traci. If he kept drinking, she faced a selfless and dreadful decision. "I loved him too much to stay and punish him." Then, she learned of the damage his drinking was having on her. The episode title is not a metaphor. The stress and trauma of Traci's alcoholic marriage almost killed her. On this episode, Sheri and Matt welcome their friend to share her story of pain, sickness and rebuilding. Everyone knows alcoholism is deadly to the alcoholic, but do you truly appreciate that loving an alcoholic can be a matter of life and death, too? This is a powerful and heartbreaking conversation. If you are interested in the "Coming Out" letter Traci references that helped her identify her husband as a high-functioning alcoholic, you can find it here. If you are the loved one of an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program. Echoes of Recovery
  • Addiction
  • Alcohol
  • Relationship

Ep60 – Why are we still so angry?

If you've ever looked for the root cause of your anger, you've probably read or heard that anger is the outward manifestation of fear. There's wisdom there, but it goes deeper. In this episode, Sheri and Matt discuss the concept of considering what their anger means about themselves. We can't change other people. To alleviate our own anger, we can leave the situation or we can make changes to ourselves. They talk about how much easier it is to understand this concept than it is to execute it. When the alcohol left the relationship, and years of recovery work was in the books, the anger lingers. Why, and what can be done about it? If you are the loved one of an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program. Echoes of Recovery
  • Addiction
  • Alcohol
  • Relationship

Ep59 – Deep Healing with Trace Nuttall

Trace Nuttall allowed alcohol and marijuana to destroy his relationship with the love of his life. It happened right in front of his own eyes, and he had no idea what was happening. How could he be so oblivious as he pushed the woman he loved away? It was the booze and the weed, of course. In this episode, Matt and Trace discuss the impact of addiction on relationships, but that's just the beginning of this fascinating and deep conversation. They discuss a wide variety of methodologies for not just recovery, but for personal growth. They also discuss the overwhelming prevalence of "big alcohol" and Matt's new goal of the sober majority. If you are the loved one of an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program. Echoes of Recovery
  • Addiction
  • Alcohol
  • Relationship

Ep58 – Neither of You are to Blame

Alcoholism is so insidious because of how it creeps into relationships and destroys us from the inside. When did my husband turn from a sweet, loving man into such a repulsive tyrant? When did my wife become so nasty and nagging, and why isn't she interested in me anymore? Even in early sobriety, both parties in an alcoholic relationship are trying to assess blame. Sure, he is an alcoholic, but I am not exactly easy to live with. I know I've got to own my drinking, but she turned into a complete bitch. In this episode, Sheri and Matt discuss how important it is to blame the disease. If you are trying to assess blame in your alcoholic marriage, blame the alcohol. If you are the loved one of an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program. Echoes of Recovery
  • Addiction
  • Alcohol
  • Relationship
  • Sex

Ep57 – Kate Flourishing in the Truth

Sheri and Matt are joined on this episode by a fellow survivor of an alcoholic marriage, their good friend and Denver neighbor, Kate. Just like Sheri, Kate endured years of gaslighting, denial and progressively deteriorating behavior. The three discuss the impact on the kids even when they think they are doing their best to protect the little ones from the trauma. Kate shares her feelings of being stuck without options, and she talks about the isolation of falling out of love with her husband. She explains her turning point and ultimate decision to leave the destructive marriage and find health and healing for herself and her kids. Kate ends the podcast with some great resources and advice for women in this same incredibly common situation. If you are the loved one of an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program. Echoes of Recovery
  • Alcohol
  • Relationship

Ep56 – Our Wedding: Making the Trauma Typical

Sheri and Matt tell the story of the trauma of their wedding. Devastating and heartbreaking? Yes. Unusual? Sadly, no. It was such a shameful event that this is only the second time the couple has shared the story publicly, the first being in their new book, soberevolution: Evolve into Sobriety and Recover Your Alcoholic Marriage. This episode is emotional. The tears come from the sadness of lost potential, and also how ridiculously common the events that took place just before the couple's wedding and on through the reception truly are. It is their story, but it is probably your story, too. If you are the loved one of an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program. Echoes of Recovery
  • Addiction
  • Alcohol
  • Relationship

Ep55 – The 2 Keys to Ending the Alcoholism Epidemic

Being a part of the alcoholism recovery community is all about putting out fires that are already started. That's important, but that's not what this conversation is about. In this episode, Sheri and Matt talk about preventing the fires from starting - they discuss the two things we need to do as a society and culture to cure the epidemic of alcoholism that afflicts more people than suffer from cancer and kills way more than three million people a year. We need to tie the resulting damage to alcohol, and we need to open up the dialogue. They share a joke about how it is easier to come out as gay than it is to come out alcoholic, and Matt reveals his sensitivity to making people angry who want to keep their private lives private. Oh, and they share that their new book is the Amazon #1 New Release in Alcoholism Recovery, and is available at soberevolution.org. If you are the loved one of an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program. Echoes of Recovery
  • Addiction
  • Alcohol
  • Relationship

Ep54 – Jane’s Pain and Anger from Being In It

If you've listened to the Untoxicated Podcast before, you know Sheri's and Matt's story is not unique, because you are probably in the middle of a similar trauma. Still, experiencing alcoholism, as the drinker or as the loved one, is a tremendously isolating and lonely place to be. To help you feel less alone, Sheri and Matt invited Jane to share her pain and anger on this episode. Jane talks about how frustrating it is to be in the middle of it and find resources that resonate. There is clinical advice from people who learned about surviving addiction from books and studies. There are people that look back and tell their stories from the past years after they have processed and moved on. But no one is talking about it while they are in it. Until now. Jane is talking, and her story is as real and raw as it is heartfelt and timely. If you are the loved one of an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program. Echoes of Recovery
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