Untoxicated Podcasts

Exploring the questions of alcoholic relationship recovery.

The shame of alcoholism is not reserved only for the drinkers. The loved ones of drinkers feel an enormous amount of shame – for letting it get so bad and for being unable to fix the problems in the relationship. And when the gaslighting of the drinker makes the loved one question her own sanity, the shame mounts to debilitating levels.

But there is hope. On this episode, Sheri and Matt discuss the shame they both felt in their alcoholic marriage, and the keys to moving past it and feeling proud, confident, and on the road to healing and recovery. Also, Sheri makes fun of Matt’s inability to remember more than two things.

If you are the loved one of an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program.

Echoes of Recovery

The anger and resentment from her husband’s drinking was building inside our friend, Traci. If he kept drinking, she faced a selfless and dreadful decision. “I loved him too much to stay and punish him.” Then, she learned of the damage his drinking was having on her. The episode title is not a metaphor. The stress and trauma of Traci’s alcoholic marriage almost killed her. On this episode, Sheri and Matt welcome their friend to share her story of pain, sickness and rebuilding. Everyone knows alcoholism is deadly to the alcoholic, but do you truly appreciate that loving an alcoholic can be a matter of life and death, too? This is a powerful and heartbreaking conversation.

If you are interested in the “Coming Out” letter Traci references that helped her identify her husband as a high-functioning alcoholic, you can find it here.

If you are the loved one of an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program.

Echoes of Recovery

If you’ve ever looked for the root cause of your anger, you’ve probably read or heard that anger is the outward manifestation of fear. There’s wisdom there, but it goes deeper. In this episode, Sheri and Matt discuss the concept of considering what their anger means about themselves. We can’t change other people. To alleviate our own anger, we can leave the situation or we can make changes to ourselves. They talk about how much easier it is to understand this concept than it is to execute it.

When the alcohol left the relationship, and years of recovery work was in the books, the anger lingers. Why, and what can be done about it?

If you are the loved one of an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program.

Echoes of Recovery

Alcoholism is so insidious because of how it creeps into relationships and destroys us from the inside. When did my husband turn from a sweet, loving man into such a repulsive tyrant? When did my wife become so nasty and nagging, and why isn’t she interested in me anymore? Even in early sobriety, both parties in an alcoholic relationship are trying to assess blame. Sure, he is an alcoholic, but I am not exactly easy to live with. I know I’ve got to own my drinking, but she turned into a complete bitch.

In this episode, Sheri and Matt discuss how important it is to blame the disease. If you are trying to assess blame in your alcoholic marriage, blame the alcohol.

If you are the loved one of an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program.

Echoes of Recovery

Sheri and Matt are joined on this episode by a fellow survivor of an alcoholic marriage, their good friend and Denver neighbor, Kate. Just like Sheri, Kate endured years of gaslighting, denial and progressively deteriorating behavior. The three discuss the impact on the kids even when they think they are doing their best to protect the little ones from the trauma. Kate shares her feelings of being stuck without options, and she talks about the isolation of falling out of love with her husband. She explains her turning point and ultimate decision to leave the destructive marriage and find health and healing for herself and her kids. Kate ends the podcast with some great resources and advice for women in this same incredibly common situation.

If you are the loved one of an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program.

Echoes of Recovery

Sheri and Matt tell the story of the trauma of their wedding. Devastating and heartbreaking? Yes. Unusual? Sadly, no. It was such a shameful event that this is only the second time the couple has shared the story publicly, the first being in their new book, soberevolution: Evolve into Sobriety and Recover Your Alcoholic Marriage.

This episode is emotional. The tears come from the sadness of lost potential, and also how ridiculously common the events that took place just before the couple’s wedding and on through the reception truly are. It is their story, but it is probably your story, too.

If you are the loved one of an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program.

Echoes of Recovery

Being a part of the alcoholism recovery community is all about putting out fires that are already started. That’s important, but that’s not what this conversation is about. In this episode, Sheri and Matt talk about preventing the fires from starting – they discuss the two things we need to do as a society and culture to cure the epidemic of alcoholism that afflicts more people than suffer from cancer and kills way more than three million people a year. We need to tie the resulting damage to alcohol, and we need to open up the dialogue. They share a joke about how it is easier to come out as gay than it is to come out alcoholic, and Matt reveals his sensitivity to making people angry who want to keep their private lives private. Oh, and they share that their new book is the Amazon #1 New Release in Alcoholism Recovery, and is available at soberevolution.org.

If you are the loved one of an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program.

Echoes of Recovery

If you’ve listened to the Untoxicated Podcast before, you know Sheri’s and Matt’s story is not unique, because you are probably in the middle of a similar trauma. Still, experiencing alcoholism, as the drinker or as the loved one, is a tremendously isolating and lonely place to be. To help you feel less alone, Sheri and Matt invited Jane to share her pain and anger on this episode. Jane talks about how frustrating it is to be in the middle of it and find resources that resonate. There is clinical advice from people who learned about surviving addiction from books and studies. There are people that look back and tell their stories from the past years after they have processed and moved on. But no one is talking about it while they are in it. Until now. Jane is talking, and her story is as real and raw as it is heartfelt and timely.

If you are the loved one of an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program.

Echoes of Recovery

Listeners and readers often share that they can’t imagine their alcoholic spouses reaching the level of clarity that Matt and Sheri share on this podcast. Matt is nothing special, and his mediocrity should inspire others to believe an enlightened recovery from alcoholism is possible.

In this episode, Sheri and Matt discuss the heaviness that penetrates everything. Matt runs through his lack-luster life accomplishments, and Sheri rethinks her life choices. They try to lighten the mood and bring reality to the societal burden alcoholism has become.

Sheri’s and Matt’s new book, soberevolution: Evolve into Sobriety and Recover Your Alcoholic Marriage is available on Amazon for pre-order. Join the book launch team and receive an advance copy pdf version now.

Join the soberevolution Book Launch Team

As an active alcoholic, Matt thought all of his attempts to control his drinking, his pontifications about how it would be different this time, and his complaints about how bad he felt after a binge, were of interest to Sheri. They were not. In fact, over time, they drove a wedge of resentment into the marriage that would take years to extract. Sobriety didn’t fix anything. When the alcohol was gone, the problems became more obvious.

In this episode, Matt and Sheri talk directly to the alcoholics and try to deliver a potentially marriage-saving message. It’s not her fault. She’s not just an intolerant bitch. It’s the alcohol. It’s you. If you are going to save the marriage, you’re going to have to come to grips with some things.

Our new book, soberevolution: Evolve into Sobriety and Recover Your Alcoholic Marriage is available on Amazon for pre-order. Join our book launch team and receive an advance copy pdf version now.

Join the soberevolution Book Launch Team